A King Acknowledges, Affirms & Blesses His People
Most people want the approval of their leader; at the very least, most people want to be acknowledged for their efforts. This is a quality of the Sovereign in his maturity and fullness: he is able to acknowledge and thank others for what they do without feeling diminished himself in any way.
It’s a peculiar thing that even in the 21st century, crowds of people will flock to see the president of a country pass by in a motorcade, or stand on the sidewalk for hours in the hope of catching sight of a member of the British royal family. Could this mean that within us there is some kind of primal desire to view our leader, our Sovereign, or even simply be in his (or her) presence? And if so, what does that mean in terms of human psychology? (The article I’ve linked to here has some interesting insights into what people want from their leaders.)
Perhaps this desire to see a leader, a King, is an indication that a person has not yet stepped fully into their own Sovereign, and so they need the reassurance of seeing someone onto whom they can project their own sovereignty. Or perhaps a basic need in the human psyche is to receive a Sovereign’s blessing, a blessing which we can think of as an acknowledgement of our existence, presence, value and worth.
With that in mind, consider how boys brought up in a family where the father is not present physically, emotionally or spiritually, so often act out in some way, breaking the rules and pushing boundaries to breaking point. Could this be an attempt to come up against an effective Sovereign who can acknowledge their power, hold them safely, affirm them, and give them order in their lives?
Most likely it is, for what a boy needs as he learns about his own sovereignty is an affirmation of the princely qualities he embodies. He gets this from being around a man who can act as his King. This affirmation is part of the Sovereign’s blessing, and the absence of it in so many boys’ lives is nothing less than a tragedy. It’s a tragedy because boys need to be affirmed by a masculine role model who represents a wholesome image of sovereignty, one which a boy can incorporate into his own sense of self.
That masculine role model should be, and in some cases still is, his father, but can also be some other adult male who has presence, authority and kingship in his bones. I’ve worked with men from single-parent families in which their mother was doing all the parenting, who tell me that their salvation came in the form of a sports coach or teacher who took an interest in them, acting as a Sovereign who could acknowledge and affirm them in their victories and achievements as they grew up.
One man with whom I worked explained this starkly. He told me that his choice of role models as a boy was either his drug dealing father who’d been in and out of jail from the day he was born, or a series of sports coaches who embodied discipline and authority, set boundaries effectively, and taught the safe, healthy expression of the adolescent boy’s personal power and aggression. “Faced with such a choice,” he said, “I naturally moved towards the coaches, leaving my father behind, while still loving him as the broken, failed man that he was. But the coaches were the men who showed me how to be a man, and they are the ones who made me the man I am today.”
The meaning of blessing and Kingship
There are many ways to interpret the meaning of blessing: affirmation, approval, acknowledgement, acceptance – these are all words we could associate with blessing. In the context of a boy’s relationship with a sovereign figure, whether that is his father or some other male role model, we could think of blessing as the acknowledgement that the King has seen the boy for who he is, recognized his power and potential, and welcomed him and all he brings into the world. Indeed, the King’s blessing may be no less than an affirmation of a boy’s right to exist, and beyond that, to be exactly who he is.
Peter Putnam has written a beautiful book which I highly recommend called “The Song of Father-Son”. Many of the pieces in this book are about the King’s Blessing and the many forms it can take. But, as Peter implies, the blessing which truly matters to a boy is the affirmation which comes from a father who makes three things clear: “Son, I love you. Son I’m proud of you. Son, you have all you need to be a strong, loving man.” Few of us are fortunate enough to have heard those words, particularly when our fathers had not found their own kingship, but blessings were probably there for us in some way or another.
Take a moment now to consider how your father blessed you, not perhaps as you would have wished, but in the only way he could: a small act of kindness maybe, or an unexpected word of approval, or a glance which conveyed something deeper and more profound than you had come to expect.
In the absence of such blessing in your own life, we could imagine a gap in your emotional “programming”; another metaphor would be to say there is a blank file in the memory banks of your brain – a blank file which should contain an understanding of blessing in all its forms. Had you received this blessing, an understanding of blessing, and the capacity to bless others, would have been an inherent part of your personality. So how to make up this deficit? Well, there are many ways to reactivate the blessing program. One is to immerse yourself in a men’s group where mutual blessing is part of the fabric of the group. Another is to work with a shadow work coach or therapist who understands blessing and can lead you to a similar understanding of the process, in part by modelling it in his or her relationship with you.
The point here is that the King’s true blessing is not a superficial acknowledgement: it’s a deep, heartfelt recognition and appreciation of the inherent value of another person and their qualities, actions, and indeed their very existence. It’s a transaction between two people which empowers them both. This is what good therapy can do, as well, particularly therapy which is based on the approach attributed to Carl Rogers, that of unconditional positive regard. Should you be interested in working with a coach or therapist, one therapeutic approach which embodies unconditional positive regard is shadow work, as you can see here.
Blessing can be offered in many ways, but a wise King will always know what form of blessing his people need. For example, a boy might simply want an acknowledgement from his father that goes like this: “I’m proud of you, son.” (The same is true for girls.) An employee might want an acknowledgement that he’s done a good job. Your own partner, your Queen, might want a blessing which affirms that she is beautiful, soulful, caring, sexy, and loved.
Yet such words are not in themselves blessings, for words need to be offered with heartfelt sincerity and appreciation – or, if you prefer, unconditional positive regard – before they become a true blessing. This is a matter of stepping into a part of oneself that is fully present to the energy of others and can feel empathy for them.
We do a blessing process on some of my workshops where men get into groups of three. To start, one man plays the role of the King while the other two play the role of his followers. First of all, the followers offer their blessing to the man playing the role of King. This represents the fact that no King can lead successfully and in a wholesome way without the agreement, without the blessing into authority, of his followers.
And the blessing is silent; words are not spoken in this exercise. The blessing is conveyed through the men’s eyes, and through touch if that’s acceptable to the man receiving it. At first, of course, there’s embarrassment and laughter and the usual reactions of people to a situation that feels different and possibly uncomfortable. But with the right music – a soulful piece such as Barber’s Adagio For Strings, which can move people emotionally – and the right encouragement, the men playing the followers soon find a place in themselves from which they can offer a true blessing to the man who is playing the role of Sovereign. This can be facilitated by encouraging them to imagine their heart-centred energy flowing from their heart, down their arms, through their hands, and into the person whom they’re blessing. Sometimes, simply looking into the King’s eyes with compassion and love is enough to convey the blessing.
After a minute or so, we reverse the roles. Now, the King, having been blessed into his leadership by his followers, can return the blessing. He too will put his hands on his supporters or look them in the eye, or both; he will speak no words as he conveys his heartfelt blessing to the other two men. After a minute, we rotate the men around so that the next man will play the role of the King, and so on.
After everyone has had a turn in both roles, the atmosphere in the room is completely transformed. All the men have moved from the world of the mind into a heartfelt and soulful connection. Every time I see this exercise, I’m reminded of how the busyness of our daily lives takes us away from the part of ourselves that can offer a heartfelt blessing of appreciation, love, acceptance, and acknowledgement, and what we lose in that process.
Imagine for a moment what your life would feel like if you received that blessing from your children, your wife or partner, your employees, your friends, every day of your life. And then imagine what your life might feel like if you could offer that blessing to all the people in your life.
The truth is, it would be transformational. Yet all that is needed to do this is first, the intention to bless others, and second, the ability to step into the part of yourself that embodies sovereign energy and can bless people.
This piece is an extract from Rod Boothroyd’s book Finding the King Within: How to Access and Embody the Innate Power, Authority and Leadership of Your Inner King Archetype. Reproduced with permission of the author. The link above takes you to the UK sales page. Here is the USA sales page for Finding The King Within.